This is fucking killing me

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to do this. I need you so much. I hate myself, I wish I could die so I would leave you alone but I can't breathe without you. I know you know that but still you go off with Shasta right in front of me over and over. Will you please just kill me. Just put me out of my fucking misery because I don't know how else to handle this. I'm so sorry, I hate myself. I fucking hate myself. You promised to call me though. You promised. Why did you do that? Just so you could make me look like an idiot, make me feel like I want to die. 

Wicked Game

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
It's strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)
With you
With you
(This world is only gonna break your heart)

What a wicked game you play, to make me feel this way
What a wicked thing to do, to let me dream of you
What a wicked thing to say, you never felt this way
What a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you

And I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)
With you

The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
Strange what desire will make foolish people do
I never dreamed that I'd love somebody like you
And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you

No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)
No, I don't wanna fall in love (this world is only gonna break your heart)
With you (this world is only gonna break your heart)
With you (with you)
(This world is only gonna break your heart)

No, I (this world is only gonna break your heart)
(This world is only gonna break your heart)

Nobody loves no one

-that's the only thing that's been running through my mind since I talked to you last. You said you were going to call me. You only call me when I'm not able to answer the phone. Why do you do that? Why didn't you call me like you promised you would? Please don't do this, please. I just feel like I'm running out of air. You just don't understand what I'm going through right now. It just hurts so fucking bad. I wanna cut myself, burn myself, hurt myself so bad. It's taking everything inside me to not do those things. You are the only thing that will make this pain go away. 

I know you don't think I would betray you. But what I do is a betrayal. Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I just don't know what to do. There is only one thing to do but I really don't want to do it. I want to jam my hands in a tree shredder, it would get this out of me. I don't know how to function with this in me anymore.

I will be with you somehow.