Much needed

 My phone died last night. I was talkin but I wasn't talkin shit. I went back upstairs and plugged my phone in but you were sleeping already. I'm glad we had a little time together. I've missed you so much. I don't know if you think I get turned on by that bigger dick stuff or if you're trying to offend me. You have to know that I don't base the way I feel about someone on thier ethnicity. You think I do (or so you say) but that doesn't do anything for me like that. And that isn't what attracts me to men FOR SURE. I look at your brains, your heart, the connection we have and the things we do for each other. I don't know where we are but I know what we do for each other. I love you for who you are and for everything we've been through together. I am proud to be with you. I'm not where I want to be but I'm getting there. I have started over and I've made so many changes. I'm off the lines. I'm taking my meds like I'm supposed to, I'm keeping my space clean and organized, I'm trying to get and keep a job, I'm working on my self esteem, and learning healthy boundaries.  I'm working on getting my finances in order, getting my license back and my car legal. There are a ton of other things I need to do but i can only do so much at once. You playing in a restaurant and teaching your artwork is amazing but you are amazing anyway. Can we let the past be the past? Can we try for something better?  I will do what I can to let go of things. I am working to let go of the other girls. Those the hardest things for me because they hurt me the worst. But I meant what I said, I want to be that girl you went wacky for when we first met because what I said is true you haven't seen me at my best but you will.