Not today, I'm not ready for this

 Please Chris, I'm so sorry. Please don't leave me. I love you so much I can't lose you. I need you in my life. I FUCKING NEED YOU BABY. Please don't leave me.I went on the chatlines looking for you tonight. Nothing else, I just need you baby, please don't leave me. GOD NO. Please no.What can I do to fix this, I'll do anything to fix it. Please don't leave me. I know I heard you in that room and you just didn't say anything, how can you do this after everything we've been through. I'm so sorry please don't leave me. I don't know what to do, I'll do anything. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? I'm scared to death, please please please. I'm so sorry that I've made mistakes, that I've talked too much. I need you so much, please don't leave me. I miss you so much, I'm a wreck without you. You know that no matter what words come out of my mouth,  you mean more to me than anything in the world, anything. Please don't do this, please god, please try to understand me. Try to see where I'm coming from. I've tried to see where your coming from, I've tried to put myself in your shoes and that's one reason I left the chatlines. Oh please don't leave me baby. What will I do without you. I love you so much. This is all my fault. I'm so fucking sorry. I wish I could change, I wish I could be the person that you want. But I'm just not. I never was and I never will be. I'm sorry. All I ever wanted was you. I tried so hard to hang on to you that I pushed you away. I don't know how to fix this, is it fixable?  I'm hurting so bad, I just need you in my life. I don't know what else to do. I want to die. I just want to let go of everything. None of this means anything to me without you. You know that. You know me. I'm so fucking sorry. 

You deserve to be happy and if I can't do that for you anymore but I just don't know how to move on or let you go. It's just too fucking painful. Please don't do this. I'm sorry. Please . I don't know what to do. Please help me. I need someone to help me because I'm not strong enough for this. I feel like my chest is going to explode. Please don't leave me. I have to leave for work in an hour. My first day on the job, oh god baby.