So nobody's perfect

 Ok so yesterday was a real bad day for me. I quit the job I only worked one day at. I cried almost all day. I spun out yesterday morning and just couldn't get my shit together. I was so overwhelmed by everything and I didn't have any weed to bring me back down, it was a hard day. Today? I'm feeling better. I still feel foolish, I guess is the word I would use for it but I feel better. I'm glad I quit that job. It just wasn't a great fit for me and I know that there is a fit waiting for me somewhere. I'll find it, I just need to keep looking. No Fear!!!! Walk with god and he will lead me where I need to be. I don't feel like I want to die today. When I go out and sit on the back step and watch the people at the homeless shelter I know I can't give up. I've been worried about how I'm going to afford cigs but someone introduced me to the cigarillo today and I realized there is a much cheaper way to smoke. These fuckers are 2 for a $1. One of them will last me a whole day, at worst I'll smoke 2 a day. That's still just a dollar compared to 4, that's a hell of a difference. I'm making changes where I can. Trying to make my situation easier to deal with. I owe 265 for this months car payment which I will be making here in the next day or two and I should be super happy about that. I have to find a job that pays me at least 300 dollars a month to get my car payment and my smokes. That ain't shit. I can walk around town picking up bottles and make that much money. I'm going to call down to the Casey's down the street because their hiring sign is back up in the window. I have another interview tomorrow downtown for a part time data entry specialist which sounds like it might be a good fit for me. It's just one of these things I'm going to have to figure out but I'm done being scared all the time. It doesn't help anything. Tomorrow morning after I get done at the eye doctor I'm hopping on the bus to find my way to this job interview way before the interview. I'm not asking anyone else to go with me either. It's time for me to find independence from my kids. I will feel better and they will too. It's all baby steps but when it finally happens for me it's gonna be great. I don't have to hate myself for not wanting to ride the bus to work, work a full shift on my feet and then walk home. It's ok if I don't do that. It doesn't make me worthless, it makes me human. When any human has the experiences I've had they would be the way I am. Period.