It hurts

 I wish that I could tell you how sorry I am. I didnt mean to make you feel bad or worry. I really didn't mean to. I don't always think before I open mouth. I love you more than anything in the world and I should think more before I speak. I don't want to fight with you. I miss you so much. It hurts to not hear from you. I just want to hear your voice. I miss you so fucking much. Please forgive me. I need you. Life doesn't mean anything without you. I'm sorry I said nasty things to you. I don't want to do this without you. Please don't stop loving me. I will always love you. There is no one else in the world that fits with me the way you do. We are so good together, I don't want to lose that. That's why I would never cheat on you. No other man comes anywhere close to you. I'm talking to much now. I have to let it go no matter how much it hurts, you're going to do what is best for you. And I'm just going to have to figure it out. I hope you figure it out with me.

What is this?

 You aren't talking to me at all now? What happened? Everything was fine at 4 and now you're going silent on me in a chatroom? I'm so confused,  did you just get bored of me or something. I cant sleep I feel like I'm going to throw up and I don't know how I'm going to work tomorrow. I can't believe you haven't called me and that you ditched out on me like you did earlier. You know how hard I've worked to make this relationship right. How can you just shut me off without a word? I would never do that to you, my heart is just on fire. Please don't cut me off, I need you. Did you do something bad? Did you? I don't EVER call that 1 to 1 side EVER FOR ANY REASON EVER. I miss you so so much. I just can't believe this is happening again. I just talked to you at 4 and everything was fine. What the fuck happened? What happened? What did I do? I love you. I hope everything is ok. I don't know what else to say. I miss you.

Like a wall

 I did plenty. Said plenty. And then I wondered why everyone hated me so much. I've come really far since then. My heart is burning. Its christmas. I don't want to fight. I dont want you to give up on me now. I went through something on that chatline, real or imagined it was horrible for me. It might have been my own fault or maybe I deserved it but I went through it and that's why I won't ever live there again. I would never put myself through that kind of hell again. I love you, god knows that's true and for the things that happened between you and me, I have long since forgiven you. I felt like you were trying to push me into that place. This morning I was just super stressed out because I was late and you were still pushing. This sucks. Talk to me.