I'm sinking

 I went to youtube. Is that who you've been spending all your time with? I know you talk to other people. It kills me but I know. It breaks my heart, you break my heart. I love you so much and I'm sorry if I've hurt you You mean the world to me. Please don't let me go. You've been so angry at me for so long, I just want things to be good for us. I miss you. I miss the good times. I don't know what I'd do without you. And it hurts when all you do is hang up on me. Or go straight to sleep. I want my baby back. I am working so hard to get right. Do you see that? Do you know I do it not just for me and my kids but for you too. I want to make you proud. I want to be someone you can be proud of. That's why I'm here. I could have stayed atHannah's. I was only there a month. I'm not perfect but I'm getting myself back. I'm trying to work through the things that got me to this place. My mind just became so unhealthy every thought I had was toxic and somehow you put up with it. Don't let me go now that I'm getting healthy. I miss you so  fucking bad. I've tried to be tough but it's so fucking hard. I miss you all the time. But I keep going anyway hoping that you'll see how hard I'm trying to be a better person than I was yesterday. I try to make better choices. I am proud of myself. I just want you to love me again. You still call me at night but something has been wrong. I don't know what else to say. I just want to talk to you, spend a couple hours with you during the day. I know I've been hard to reach but I'll do a better job of keeping my phone on me. I want to be the girl you fell in love with. I'm trying so hard.