My Baby

 I love you with all my heart. I could tell something was bothering you yesterday and the day before. You were acting kind of funny. You said "I need to talk to you, I don't want to talk to you, what do I have to do?" That's what I remember hearing. You've been talking a lot lately about not feeling good. What's going on with you? 

I don't know why we can't seem to communicate with each other right now. I wish there was something I could do to cheer you up. I love you. I could carry you away on a cloud of love, that's how much I love you. I know you love me too. Sometimes that is really put to the test, maybe you feel the same way about me. I don't blame you for not trusting me. I have said and done some pretty fucked up things to you. Maybe you don't want to or can't accept an apology. I am sorry. I wish I didn't get stuck in my own head. Your head is a much better place for me to be. I want to be more centered and shit. You know I have a project I have to finish about what I want to believe about myself. 

I want you to feel good too. Sometimes I feel guilty because I don't think you really want to talk to me at all. I feel like I should say, ok then...go if you want. But that thought makes me really fucking sad. There has to be a part of you that still loves me, at least a little. You know how to ghost a bitch when you really want to. 

I really want you to be happy. I want you to feel good and have things in your life that make you feel good. Painting used to make you feel really good, playing the guitar and working in the garden. Hearing me say I love you still makes you feel good. At least you put on like it does.

I am sending you a care package on Friday. No lie, it's happening. If you never pick it up it is money I wasted. If you do pick it up, it will make me the happiest girl in the world. Please don't waste my money, please.