The Creeping Death: an introduction

Hello. My name is heather and I have something following me. I call it the creeping death. It is a darkness that befalls me usually on sunday nights, or after I've spent money I shouldn't have, or when I don't get my child support when I am supposed to. It is an entity all of it's own, and I do my best to avoid dealing with it at all. It is the reason I don't mess with any type of substance that raises my spirit to high, I always get dropped into the abyss of the creeping death. There I will surely parish.

But I won't spend much time on that subject tonight for it is aches and pains that truly have captured my attention on this sunday evening. I went to a strength ballet training thing yesterday and a spin thing today and I am hurting. My legs, my ass cheeks, my arms and jaws and the little bit of fat next to your ankle on your foot. Oh it all kills me.

I don't know if that brought me to where I am right now or if it is the creeping death sneaking up on me but I am on the verge of having a panic attack, or a full on freak out as my kids would say. I keep having this feeling that if there is anymore noise, yelling or loud music I'm going to completely lose my cool. And it will all be my kids fault. I will go into their rooms and scream at them and slam doors and unplug things and make them feel guilty. Oiy, glad I'm catching this one mid-sentence.

Instead of freaking out, or reaching for a pill bottle I am going to get myself through this manually. I am writing first, to help put things into perspective. It's helping. Next I have already started focusing on my breathing, the rise and fall of my chest. That overwhelming feeling of the loss of control is subsiding. **I just went in and had my kids turn down their music and televisions. No screaming or blaming. I took responsibility for what I was asking of them and they were very responsive. Yay!! I feel myself becoming more and more tired each minute here.

Sometimes every day is a struggle. I look forward to going back to work this week. We are losing 2 or 3 children that have caused a lot of upset in our classroom. What will we do without the chaos? We might actually get some work accomplished.

Have a good week everyone. I think I have like 1 or maybe 2 people reading this blog. It sure is fun to play pretend though.