My head is just a mess

 It feels like spaghettis in here. Does that have a silent s? Why did I never notice this before? For a little while, just a little while I truly did believe you. You told me I needed to heal. You made me feel so secure but then you were still hanging up on me. Right in the middle of a sentence you hang up on me and then call the chatline. I can not handle that kind of chaos anymore. Feeling constantly like I'm not good enough or there are so many people out there better than me that you want to talk to. This last week has been hell. I have just tried to focus on other things and keep it moving but it's so hard when you just seem to forget all about me, no you make time to call me and say all this horrible shit to me right before you hang up on me. I need to take my medicine and I'm starving. I have to try to eat something that isn't going to send me into diabetic shock. I need to get this rancid puss out of my inner being but I'm so overwhelmed by these feelings I just get so fucking tired and want to go to sleep. I am going to make an anchor, go get a floaty and go to the lake. This means I need to shave my pussy, at least a little. I aint trying to make a bunch of kids think that I have burt and ernnie in my panties...am I right? I have therapy tomorrow if the bitch doesn't cancel on me. Fuck case management, I'm not even going to go anymore. That bitch doesn't care about this, about me. I'm going to try to make up a google meeting place or whatever it's called so we can all communicate better around here. That would be so helpful for staff and for the residents. And it would pay my rent for a couple of weeks. I'm just spinning on this marry go round, slowing and slowing, feeling so nauseas I could fucking puke. I keep reminding myself that I am getting back to where I was before I moved. I think I am but I could be so wrong. more later.