busy day for me

Today I have to be in Iowa city by 9 until 11, then I have an appointment in north liberty an hour later from 12-2 or 230. Then I'm off until 4 for group until 630. After that I'm done for the day. I'm not going anywhere tonight although I might help Nikki dye her hair after group. I will still have my phone with me.

It might not seem like it but you are what keeps me balanced and your constant hang up calls are fucking me up but you not calling me is fucking me up too so I don't know what to do. I don't want to fight and scream and cry but continuously being hung up on is driving me insane, honestly insane.

I need you. I miss you. At the very least I want our time together to be our time. I already share you so much. And no matter how you try to spin it I'm not nor have I been talking to anyone else. 

My life is pretty hectic these days so my phone died or I forget it somewhere. That doesn't mean I'm cheating it means there is just too much chaos, partly from the fact that you have been bouncing my head off the walls for the last two weeks. 

You leave me alone so much or show me no kindness and I'm hurt and desperately want someone to talk to. Then you get mad when I do it.

 Please try to be kind today. Please say goodbye to me, stay with me until the end of our conversation and try to make me feel like I count too. In turn I will try to say goodbye when you do without throwing a fit, I'll stay off the chatline and I won't cry. I think those are fair trades. 

I just need to find a way to function in this situation. It has been extremely difficult to try to adjust to this new schedule. It really hurts me but not having you at all hurts so much more.

I love you. Have a good day.