4 AM and all is well

This is my 4 a.m. self, and I love her just as much as my 4 p.m. self. scary.

I went to des moines this weekend and finally got to meet the famous jules joyce. She is probably the only person or one of 3 people that read this blog so I will say this....Meeting you was great, I wish we lived in the same town. and i'm not saying that lightly. Your the kinda chick i could hang with on the reg.

We went to Azalea's downtown. Not impressed. YES the food was yummy, but not that yummy. And the menu was boring. And it was EXPENSIVE. FUCK THAT. We also went to the waveland cafe and that was better.

I did gather a funny story from Azalea's though. So we are sitting there very aware that we are munching the 11 dollar hamburger because we didn't want to spend 32 dollars on a plain old steak (I wanted the duck that the displayed menu bragged about but the inny menu had been stripped of) but then I look up and see that there is a couple there in the restaurant having a quiet and romantic dinner for two. The woman is having the 32 dollar steak dinner, and the man is eating the same fucking 11 dollar hamburger that we are. You know that motherfucker was pissed off. I just hope he got some pussy after all that.

We did more than that. I got to see American Gothic, I've always loved grant wood. and we went to the botanical center and listened to this Haas woman sing the blues. I wanted to put her in my pocket and take her home with me. Somehow she knew exactly what i was feeling. We walked a lot, spent a fair amount of time trying to get tickets to legally blond, did some shopping. Spent a fuck load of money. But funnest of all was the foulness, the filth that we enjoy wallowing in. That is what the trip was really about anyway.

It seems as though I am about to become my 5 a.m. self. And my 5 a.m. self likes to hang out in the bathtub and use smelly things like soaps and lotions. Somehow that and this come from the same person. weird.

I wish I could say I feel refreshed and anew but I don't. I feel lagging like I don't want to let go of the weekend. I feel sad and lonely because I still haven't found someone to love that will love me back the same. I feel sore and worried about my health because I haven't done the things I have needed to do to ensure that. and I feel afraid that I will not be able to bear the financial burden of being me. But these things are nothing new, in fact it is these things that make up a huge part of who I am and why I do the kind of things that I do. They are what motivate me to get up in the morning and keep going long after I have used the last of my energy. and weird or not I know it's okay.