Where the fuck am I?

It was a long fucking night. A very long night. I need you so badly and you just play these fucking games with me. It's not funny. I fucking NEED you and you just haven't been there for me. Where are you? What are you doing? Who are you doing it with? Why aren't you with me? WHY THE FUCK ARENT YOU WITH ME?????

You really want me to let you go? I don't want to let go of you, I love you. I've been fighting this for so long but you just keep kicking it back up into my face. I want to cut myself, burn myself, disfigure my face, hide in the street. DIE. I just want to be free of all these feelings. I don't want to have them anymore. I do everythign I can to try to free myself of this horrible feeling but it never goes away. It's always there. 

You just don't love me the way I thought you did.