How did we get here?

I'm sick over this. You are so fucking angry at me. You haven't been this angry at me since I flipped on Shasta last time. You wouldn't talk to me all weekend. At first I thought it was because I kept falling asleep on you and missing your calls but you just wouldn't let up on it. I felt like you were antagonizing me on purpose so I would do what I did so you could justify being mean to me. 

Sometimes I feel like you do this to try to chase me away. Do you really want me to go? It hurts so much, food doesn't sound good,  I can't sleep, it's hard to work. I can't function without you.

I hate fighting with you, I try so hard to avoid it. You are breaking my heart. I feel like I'm dying inside. Your gentle touch is what I need more than anything right now. I'm hurting so much.

You are the only person that is here for me, the only one that really cares about me. You are the only person in the world that I need and I don't know what to do without you. Please don't do this to me. 

I'm sorry if I upset you. I try so hard not to. I fill my free time with crochet and movies, stupid computer games and the cat. Looking for another pet or an apartment because I don't want to be a burden to you. I try to come up with things to talk to you about because I feel like you get bored with me sometimes. 

I try to be kinky so you want to fuck me but it always bites me in the ass. I just want you. I want you to want me. I want you. I want to feel your hands and arms all around me, I want you to pull my head back by my hair and suck on my neck and my titties while I grind against your cock. I want you to want me like that.

I want to talk to you for hours like we used to but I feel like you're just bored with me. Go to sleep. You don't know how bad that hurts my feelings. I feel so rejected and unloved. So I crochet or find a Hulu show. I do anything I can to try not to think about it.

But I can't fight this way with you. It's breaking my spirit. It makes me hate myself, it makes me want to disappear. I just want to fade away. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to live, it's hard and scary and I feel so alone sometimes.

Please don't chase me away. You are all I really have and I don't want to lose you. I'm sorry if I didn't show you enough how much you mean to me. I'm sorry that I get upset and cuss you. I open my mouth and shit comes out. I don't want to say any of that hateful shit to you. I always regret it and wish so bad I could take it back.

Please don't hate me. I miss you.