What the fuck is wrong with you?

 Sometimes you are just mean. MEAN! I don't understand why either. You haven't had any time for me lately. I haven't had a lot for you either but fuck I miss you so fucking much. I want to spend the night with you like we used to, I miss it so much. I don't know what changed, what happened? Why did you stop spending time with me like you used to?  You say mean things too, did I do something that hurt you? Do you really think I'm talking to someone else? I barely have time to breath around here. I laid down the other day and slept for 3 hours in the middle of the fucking day, I have just been run ragged. I'm always a day late and a dollar short. That perfectly describes the way I've been feeling lately. I, I, I. Sorry, the rant is over. 

How was your mother's day? You say your mother is gone. I don't know how you feel about it. I don't really care anymore. For me to bring up all those old memories and feelings for one day, I just try to think about a couple of good things that I loved about her. I thought about her nasty licorice breath earlier. It was true but it was something we joked about a lot. She was the coolest mom. I remember that we pretended to be Swedish maids and washed the clothes in the bathtub with a washboard. She had huge boobs and one year on Halloween(I was 5) I started the house on fire trying to light the pumpkin with a huge wad of rolled up newspaper by lighting the newspaper on the stove and then shoving it in the pumpkin. I remember my mom running out of the shower naked and dripping wet ripping the curtains off the wall and beating the flames off of the walls in the kitchen. All the kids outside saw my mom completely naked and she didn't give a fuck. 

I feel so vulnerable when it comes to us. I am always worried that you're going to leave me. Oh well I'm too tired to go on. ttyl