Up on a tight rope

For a very long time my job has been my sanctuary. It's a place where I feel valued and trusted. But that recently changed. I used to get this awful feeling that would creep up over me on Sunday nights, I called it the creeping death. It's been years since I felt it. Now I feel it all the time. It's this feeling of being judged by other people, not being good enough to be here doing what I'm doing. And I even get that feeling from people I thought were my friends. I am paranoid and honestly feel like no one has any intention of seeing me become a full time teacher. This is the most stressful thing I've dealt with since my oldest daughter turned 16 (that was hard).
True, I have a lot of changing to do. I need to become more amicable. I need to try to enjoy the time I have away from the job more, so I'm more refreshed while I'm there. And I have to work better with others. That's the hard one, especially when their morons. But I didn't work this hard to get here just to give up. I did not.