God takes care

Tired, so tired but I can't sleep. I don't think straight but look straight ahead. I see broken bits of this and that's to sooth this daunting task of living. Little bits and pieces of things that would make my night softer but I fight it. I fight it because I feel the desperation looming there in the darkness. I felt it there a few nights ago, hiding in the shadows pushing me to engage it, pushing me to indulge. I knew it was the wrong thing for me, the wrong moment for me to give in but I did it anyway and afterward fell silent and got lost in a slumber that lasted. When at last I regained my senses I realized what a mistake it had been and decided to leave the rest to rest where I could watch them. I left them in a place where I could know that it was my decision every moment to leave them in that place. That's my proof that I am strong.

I say, do not cross me. I am THE crazy bitch. I won't stalk you, or destroy you, I won't infiltrate and annihilate, I do something much worse. I will cut you off. Never another thought will be offered in your direction. That's my proof that I am strong.