Help me

 Please help me. I just feel it in my bones. I feel it in my bones. I'm sick to death. Why did I do it? Why? You are done with me. I'm so fucking sorry that I am this way. I wish that I could be cool all the time. I am just desperate to hear the sound of your voice. What the fuck is wrong with me? I need you so fucking bad. What the fuck did I do to deserve all this fucked up life I have. I feel like I'm dying. I feel like I'm going to die. Please don't leave me. I just feel like it's already too late. I feel like I've been left. I am alone. I can't do this alone. 

This is so hard I don't want to do this. Please don't make me do this Chris. 

I haven't slept or eaten Imore than a cheeseburger today. I have to center myself. I have to try and center myself somehow. You are gone, non existant. I know you are with Shasta. Her husband is working and you have her all to yourself. I have scoured and searched for you but you are not out there. You are no where. 

I love you. It's a fucked up love but it is love. I love you even when you hurt me. I love you even when I know your phone fucking some other chick, any other chick. It's always someone. Megan or Shasta or Texas or whoever. I don't want to fucking lose you but I can't keep competing with these other girls. I just can't. I am only me and I don't think that's enough for you. I need you so bad baby. Please don't leave me. 

It hurts so bad. Please help me. please help me. I need help. I'm so fucking sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry that I can't do this better. I fucking hate myself so much. Please someone help me. I hurt so fucking bad. I just want out. I just want out.