Being a grown up

 Being a grown up sucks because you have to deal with things like back aches and car payments. Wish life wsan't like this. My phone died last night. I woke up at 4 something and called tthe chatline, sometimes that gets you to call me. But no, who do I come across but old ass MC and then suddenly april is in there talking so much mad trash to me I can't believe it. I just did what you taught me to do and turned down the volume and just kept it cool calm and collected. She was like a crazy person. What the fuck did you do to her? I hung up after that. I'm worried that you're mad at me because I was asleep last night and my phone died. Feeling like you are planning to punish me for that even though last week on Monday you were super sweet to me. 

I can't worry about figuring you out anymore dude. My feelings for you are real. I don't want to be with anyone else but you. You know that. So if my phone dies or I forget it somewhere don't get so bent out of shape. I love you and I'm not going anywhere. I know there is some kind of shit going on with you but I can't concern myself with it. You are never going to tell me and I am never going to discover the truth. I miss you though and I know that I have been kind of weird lately but my dad died and shit. There is only so much I can do about that and about dealing with it right. I am doing the best I can. I don't think it's that bad either. In fact, I do believe that I am handling this like a fucking boss. 

Did I say I miss you? I'm getting ready to settle in and do some masturbating. I really am using my orgasms to process some of the bullshit my dads death has brought to the surface. I love you no matter what. I need you no matter what. You got that???? Don't leave me hanging again, I don't want to deal with that kind of pain. I think you have so many girls you don't miss one but I think that you actually do miss me when we aren't together. I know there are other girls besides me and I know who they are for the most part. You know who I am and what I bring to the mf table. Either you want it or you don't. 

I finished all my work already but I need to take my medicine and a shower. I'm going to do that after I play with my pussy for awhile. Don't worry, I'm saving the cum for you. I miss you but I'm having a lot of really bad anxiety today. I feel very off kilter. I need to try to remember that my anxiety comes from not taking my medicine, not because of you.