my phone died

It happened when I was asleep. Soon as I woke up I plugged it in. Then you called. It made me 😁. I really don't know what you think. I feel like you should but you can't really trust me. I'm sorry, I wish that I could say with certainty that I won't go out there but sometimes that feeling is overwhelming. Not to talk to other people (I only do that if I am trying to piss you off) but to engage with you when you are unengagable. I love you though and I try really hard because I know what kind of problems it causes us. I don't want to hurt you but more importantly that isn't the kind of person I want to be. I want to be a respectable person. A person that deserves the respect she asks for from other people. I'm getting back there but who knows, when I dip (and I always seem to) I can't always control myself. So I have to focus on getting my meds right everyday. I am trying to take better care of myself. I want to eat better for my blood sugar but that one is really hard for me. Just know though that you are my heart and my motivation and I feel truly blessed to have you in my life. I just want to protect us.