I love you

There are days like today where I am just inside my head. I'm learning about disassociation which is something I believe that I am notorious for doing. I just zone out and stop being here. I don't know if you remember a period of time maybe a year or so ago when I just wouldn't talk hardly at all. I think I was doing a lot of disassociation then. I don't have anything to say because I'm so inside my own motherfucking head. I just want to suck my thumb and stare at nothing and get lost somewhere else. I'm feeling that today. In part because of my meds I'm sure, I'm not emotionally stable right now. But I talked about a lot of shit with that girl I was hanging out with and it didn't do me any good at all. I should only be talking to my therapist about that big stuff from my childhood. It's too much for me and I just get overwhelmed by it. Now I just don't want to be present. I am getting better, I really am finally getting better, even if it is just realizing what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. I love you for being here for me though. I love you more than you could ever know.