Not saying a word

 I know I'm not right in the head right now. I am so fucking angry I really want to hurt someone, anyone. I don't trust myself and I'm glad I am currently locked up. If I had to drive to doordash today I would probably run someone over. Anger sucks.

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Please Daddy, please come back to me

I love you and I miss you terribly. My chest hurts so bad all the time. I fucking need you baby. I know I am a horrible person and I don't blame you for not wanting to be with me anymore. I wish I could disappear. I wish my mental illness would go the fuck away. I wish I could let go of you. I just want you to be happy. I know that's what you really want. You want me to fuck off and die. All I want is to be loved by you. Please love me. please don't leave me. Don't you miss me at all? I love you so much. I'm sorry that I ruined everything, I'm sorry that I"m so fucked up. I miss you so much, I wish I could go to sleep and just not have to wake up and deal with this pain tomorrow. I'm so sick of being in pain. It hurts so bad and there is no where to go to get away from it. No matter how much pot I smoke it won't go away. Hurting myself isn't helping, nothing is helping. You are the only thing that soothes this pain out of me. Please don't leave me like this. I'm sorry. I just want to say I'm sorry. I fucking miss you so much. I don't know hjow to make this better.

 I can't stop obsessing. I can't make this feeling go away. I feel like I'm dying. I wish I could just die. I don't want to feel this anymore. Pot, medicine what the fuck ever but when you aren't here nothing can be right. I'm so fucking sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't understand why I do the things I do. I just want things for us to be good and then I go and do some dumb shit. Please don't leave me chris. I'm so fucking scared and sick as fuck. I hate f    2 4T6=GWDEKJL

i JUST WANT TO BE GONE

Help me

 Please help me. I just feel it in my bones. I feel it in my bones. I'm sick to death. Why did I do it? Why? You are done with me. I'm so fucking sorry that I am this way. I wish that I could be cool all the time. I am just desperate to hear the sound of your voice. What the fuck is wrong with me? I need you so fucking bad. What the fuck did I do to deserve all this fucked up life I have. I feel like I'm dying. I feel like I'm going to die. Please don't leave me. I just feel like it's already too late. I feel like I've been left. I am alone. I can't do this alone. 

This is so hard I don't want to do this. Please don't make me do this Chris. 

I haven't slept or eaten Imore than a cheeseburger today. I have to center myself. I have to try and center myself somehow. You are gone, non existant. I know you are with Shasta. Her husband is working and you have her all to yourself. I have scoured and searched for you but you are not out there. You are no where. 

I love you. It's a fucked up love but it is love. I love you even when you hurt me. I love you even when I know your phone fucking some other chick, any other chick. It's always someone. Megan or Shasta or Texas or whoever. I don't want to fucking lose you but I can't keep competing with these other girls. I just can't. I am only me and I don't think that's enough for you. I need you so bad baby. Please don't leave me. 

It hurts so bad. Please help me. please help me. I need help. I'm so fucking sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry that I can't do this better. I fucking hate myself so much. Please someone help me. I hurt so fucking bad. I just want out. I just want out.

I'm fucking spinning

I want out.

Where the fuck am I?

It was a long fucking night. A very long night. I need you so badly and you just play these fucking games with me. It's not funny. I fucking NEED you and you just haven't been there for me. Where are you? What are you doing? Who are you doing it with? Why aren't you with me? WHY THE FUCK ARENT YOU WITH ME?????

You really want me to let you go? I don't want to let go of you, I love you. I've been fighting this for so long but you just keep kicking it back up into my face. I want to cut myself, burn myself, disfigure my face, hide in the street. DIE. I just want to be free of all these feelings. I don't want to have them anymore. I do everythign I can to try to free myself of this horrible feeling but it never goes away. It's always there. 

You just don't love me the way I thought you did.