I don't know what to do

I don't know how to even wrap my head around last night. I'm praying that what I just remembered isn't true. I couldn't even argue with you. I couldn't beg you not to do it. I hope you aren't going to do it. Please don't leave me, please. I can't sleep without you. I can't eat without you. I can't function without you. Please for fucks sake, please don't leave me. I wanna find out what people are talking about. You and another girl, you and the same old girls, you dumping me. Please don't dump me, please god. 

I've felt this coming, you stopped talking to me basicly. I can't seem to do anything to get your attention anymore. 10 minutes and youre gone. 20 minutes sometimes but never much more than that. Please don't leave me. I love you so much.

I love you so much for so many reasons. I love the way you say my name. I love the way you used to worry about my feet and what I ate, you used to worry about whether I took my medicine or not. You don't seem to worry much about me at all anymore. I've been lonely lately, that's true. But I still haven't talked to anyone else. I haven't had phone sex with anyone else. I don't want to. I love you and I can't bear the thought of it. 

I can't bear the thought of anyone but you comforting me. You have been there for me for over 3 years. We can't just let that go. Please don't let me go. I am desperately begging you to stay with me. Please god, please don't leave me. I need you . And you still do things to try and appease me. I'm sorry if I said the wrong thing. I'm sorry that I've gone on the chatline and bothered you. I'm sorry that I've harrassed the other people you talk to. I'm sorry I've talked shit to you. I'm sorry that I've lied to you. 

I don't want to lose you baby. I am prepared to do whatever it takes to hold on to you. Do you want me to come to Oklahoma? I will. I will come down there this weekend if you want me to, I swear it to you. I love you and I'll always love you. Whether this was pretend or not it was always beautiful to me. Even if you weren't being nice to me, I knew that you loved me. You wouldn't leave me. Please don't leave me, I'm so sorry. I just wish that I could make you happy. I just want to make you happy. I don't know why I don't make you happy anymore. You were so fucking good to me. What changed? Why did you stop loving me? I just don't understand. 

I killed it didn't I. That night you were being so good to me, better and sweeter and kinder than you've ever been and I was still a cunt. I heard it in your voice, your tone toward me changed. The anger inside you changed. Chris I need you. I need that. I can't face this fucking world by myself and without you that's exactly what I am. What do you want me to do? I'll do anything to make this work. Please call me. I won't cry, I promise. I just need to be able to talk to you about this. I couldn't even respond to you last night.