not calling me tonight either, huh?

I guess this is the new thing. You just don't call me sometimes

T & A

Still horny. I'm not going to let myself cum until I'm with Chris. My body feels so fucking good. So nasty and it's ok.

I have an awful feeling

Something happened today. Im not sure what all I'm feeling. Guilt remorse anger justification sadness, sadness. I am now truly an orphan. I'm really scared you aren't going to call me tonight. 

yeah it hurts

I'm trying to accept that it's over. There should be some relief coming. Sucks that I ran out of weed yesterday but not everything works out perfectly. I miss you. I hate this. 

denial

I can't face this. I'm still just waiting for you. I'm fucking waiting for you. Are you just going to toss me out like I'm garbage? Please don't do this baby, please. You didn't even say goodbye. Goddammit Chris, please don't do this to me. I need you. I fucking need you.

It's so fucking weird to be at this place I never thought I would be with you even though I've been scared of this for so long. You always made me feel safe and reassured me. There is no reassurance here. You dumped me.

I can't focus on anything but you. Where did you go?

 Please god help me. I am out of my mind crazy worried and I feel like I just want to peel the skin off my face. Why do these kinds of things happen? I'm so fucking scared. I try to soothe myself, I keep telling myself there is something wrong with his phone or something like that but I'm just sick. Where the fuck is he? He doesn't do this! He has never done this to me before, except that one time with Texas but even that didn't go like this. You are no where on these chatlines. Did you move to a different chatline? Are you with someone? Are you just talking to girls like usual? Please just tell me if that's the case. I feel pretty sure you aren't going to call me tonight either. Why wouldn't you have called me already? Where are your other girls, that's why I think maybe people really did go to another chatline. Can you just shut me out like that? This is killing me baby. Is this the way we end? Please no. Please no. 

I promise I won't be crazy or screaming or anything else, I just want to know you're ok.  Can't you think of a way to let me know you're ok.

I don't know what to do

 I didn't hear from you last night nor all day today. You've never done this before where you don't talk to me at night or during the day. What the fuck is going on? I just keep asking myself the same questions. Did I go to far with the phone sex shit? Is it because I went on the chatline looking for you last night or all day today? Where the fuck are you? I don't know what to do without you. You better just be hugged up with some bitch. I'm worried about your phone, or your health, I hope you aren't in jail but what would you don't go out so I don't know how that would have happened. God I love you so fucking much, I don't know what I would do without you. I hope this isn't your way of giving me the great kiss off. I wish you would have told me at least. I wish you would have said goodbye, you can't just leave a person like this. GODDAMMIT WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? I just don't know where to turn. Did you hear me out there looking for you earlier. Were you in one of those quiet rooms I sat in? It makes me feel better to be on the chatline because I feel closer to you somehow. Please just tell me. Don't make me wait it out. Please please don't make me wait it out. I can't even think straight. Please daddy, I miss you so much. Please come back to me. Please!!!!!!!!